Dear Drew Barrymore:
How are you? I know you are fine because, why else would you be so perky everyday and smile and invite more and more Hollywood people into your life? You seem to really have it going on. And I love you for it!
I have followed your career since “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial” and wonder why the movie “Fire Starter” isn’t listed for you in Wikipedia. As a man, I can honestly say that you have made me both laugh and cry. And I love to laugh (50 First Dates). I found a more recent project of yours, “Grey Gardens” as your most diverse role to date. I am so happy that you were awarded for that performance of Little Edie. Now, although you are a Hollywood darling, when do you think you will be ready to truly step out of your safe haven? I am ready to see you, or not see you, in a role that you will either enter the screen unrecognizable or transform into a character of such. You have such a fantastic spirit and a creative-business mind that is definitely needed in Hollywood. But please, Drew, expand your horizons a little more. Stop being so safe! I know you don’t hurt or want for anything, but can you give us a little more diversity to add to your name?
If you are concerned about your reputation, you shouldn’t be. You are, for gosh sakes, Drew Barrymore! The one and only Drew Barrymore who did such a wonderful job with “Charlie’s Angels.” “He’s Just Not That Into You” was okay, but not your best. I think I have the perfect piece of work for you. It’s just that, Dear, dear, Drew Barrymore…how do I get it to you? How do I get your attention before I get to Hollywood? I do look forward to writing a stellar review of you and Justin in “Going the Distance.” Then, because of the wonderful directorial début you made with “Whip It,” I would love to have you direct yourself again.