Paris Hilton, and other rich people…please sit your asses down somewhere else!

Paris Hilton Goes Back to Jail
Image by tom ferris via Flickr


Again, Paris?  Why can’t you just get your smoke on already?  First, well maybe not really, weed during the World Cup.  And now, coke.  Why would you pick up someone else’s purse?  What is wrong with your own purse?  Oh, I see, you meant to bring the Gucci purse but you picked up the Burberry bag.  Is that correct?  Are you rich people laughing at the little people?  Paris, just because you are able to walk around with an open bottle of anything in Las Vegas, does not and did not mean that you could start a vapor trail in your car.  My bad, I forgot to ask, were you actually riding in the car you were in?  Although you may just get “Community Service” for your dim-witted efforts, I wish for there to be a boycott against rich people.  And, I want them to add Lindsay Lohan’s picture next to yours on their billboards.  I like you, Paris.  I always speak so highly of you.  Whenever my friends call you a skank and an idiot, I am there to tell them how smart you are with your entrepreneurial skills (your men’s cologne is the bomb!) and then you go and do something stupid like this.  Are you fer real?  Someone so far from Hollywood should be allowed to spank the hell out of you – and get you back on track…to where, I have no idea.  You have everything!  Why couldn’t you just do the stuff in the privacy of your own home and just fly to Vegas?  Was it a rental car?  If it was, you guys obviously were geeked at the time whoever signed the rental agreement.  Hey, let’s hold the rental car agency accountable for your mistake.  You could say that you found the bag in the car and just put your stuff in it – and tossed that crummy Burberry bag out the window.  That should work, Paris.  Try that.  Then, if all else fails, break into a cry so horrific and star ripping out your extensions and speaking in tongues – apologizing the whole while for the conspiracy Hollywood has against you.  

Lindsay, you’re obviously still making money being a bad girl.  Will we ever see anything of quality from you?  I honestly think that you should be forced to wear a body monitor that will zap you and the idiot that comes in contact with you to stay away.  Just imagine how your life would be then.  Perfect.  Even your mom and dad couldn’t come near you.  Picture it, Lindsay…then, live it!  You’re such a pretty girl.  I still think you have so much to give to the world.  If only you would find some higher power, other than Samantha or Dom P., or even late night drives to nowhere, to keep you sane.  Try chanting, Lindsay.  Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.  Come back to us, Lindsay.  You still have it all.  But, you can have much more if only you would stop acting like Paris.  Let your media attention be positive, for say, the next seven years or so.  Hopefully, by then, the itch will be gone.  

Sweet Caroline Giuliani, stealing a hundred dollars worth of makeup?  I can almost understand this.  But couldn’t you have just told the store who you were and that you would be back with the money?  What about a credit account?  Was this a psychological issue for you?  Did you scream for Daddy’s attention, his affection?  Again, such a pretty girl.  Obviously talented, otherwise there would be no media coverage of your little escapade.  I smell a book deal, made-for-tv movie – hey, you could even host your own reality show…”See what you can get away with.”  I think it would be a hit.  The scenario:  there is a target item or items.  You know the layout of the store.  The object is to get out of the store with as many of the items as possible without getting caught.  The only drawback would be explaining the theft later to the rent-a-cop or even the real one.  It all depends just how classy the store is.  At the end, the winner of the day receives a prize to be determined later.  Your dad can be a producer of the show.  Great!  

Then again, I think anyone of wealth and stature – obviously not class, should be made a spectacle of socially.  We should find out something they can’t do and exploit it for a few minutes in the public eye.  Most everyone I mentioned can’t really sing without enhancements…so what if Paris had a number one hit?  They naughty individuals who showed their true colors should be forced to be the main attraction on “American Idol” or “America’s Got Talent.”  No lip synching and get this, no makeup.  Oh my gosh, that would be awesome!  Better yet, let’s put them on “Showtime at the Apollo.”  

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