Oh Dear, Stupid Hollywood!

The Hollywood Sign as it appears from a trail ...
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How many times must the bored exclaim, “We want something new!,” to the elite in Hollywood?  Hollywood just doesn’t lay people off, I mean…  Well, you know what I mean.  Has everyone smoked too much pot in that town to not know when to give up on the sequels?

The once bigtime draws like Reese Witherspoon, and who else… oh yeah, the “Sex and the City” girls just don’t do it for people anymore.  The tired and ill-at-eased want challenges.  And I don’t mean the challenges in watching another Shakespeare movie or hearing Brad Garrett act like he’s a real Yogi Bear.  We want real drama, Hollywood.  Real drama!  But please re-consider the ones on the big screen that you call STARS!  If they are not bringing you in the bucks for you to recoup your losses on otherwise good scripts, don’t you think it’s time the media stop praising these people?  Sure you have actresses who can act, but when an overly-botoxed mug can’t express true sorrow – as in the loss of a child, Hollywood, you have a problem.  In fact, how did a movie like “Gulliver’s Travels” get made in the first place – with someone like Jack Black?  Did Hollywood not learn its lesson with “Land of the Lost?”

So many questions that Hollywood can’t answer…probably due to the thick haze around the major movie studios.  For artistic beauty, independent films seem to be doing a lot better than anything Hollywood has to offer.  It would be a total shame if Hollywood were to try and remake a classic such as “Citizen Kane.”  Just imagine the 119 minute black and white masterpiece based on the life of publishing giant William Randolph Hearst, directed by Orson Welles, being remade to today’s standards.  Why?  For History’s sake?  I was told quite some time ago that it’s sometimes more profitable for a producer to produce a bomb than a hit.  Well then, Hollywood producers are making a killing.  And I don’t just mean on the streets of Rodeo Drive and Sunset Boulevard either.  To me, when you tamper with classics by making remakes, you soften the presence of the actual masterpiece.  With the world being in the state of disgrace it is now in, why are remakes and sequels being made?  And why is the past always being thrown up at us?  Think about it.  When “Shakespeare in Love” was in theaters, didn’t we have the “Clinton Scandal” or the “Lewinsky Scandal?”

Now, with the Repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, there should be more acceptable movies not only depicting gays but including real life homosexual actors and actresses.  Maybe that’s the problem.  There are so many gays in Hollywood until all they could think about are gay movies!  And the powers-that-be are afraid that America isn’t ready for them.  Yeah, that’s it!  It’s still acceptable for straight actors to portray gay characters, but don’t put a real “gay” on the screen and have a real “gay” love scene.  Oh gosh, NO!  That would be worse than thinking Bristol Palin could win Dancing With The Stars!  I remember the first real big screen gay movie/scene I saw.  The movie starred Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon.  It was called Bound.  Can you fathom Hollywood attempting a Bound 2?  Hollywood was on the right track to producing gay movies.  It’s a shame that the screenplay/premise for “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” was copied/stolen and purely resembled the film, “Strange Bedfellows,” starring Paul Hogan (Crocodile Dundee) in 2004.  The American film made a ton of money at the box-office.  Mainly due to the straight male American actors (Adam Sandler and Kevin James).  Somebody really greased the palms of movie critics everywhere to get the high praises this movie received.  But, then again, I guess a lot of palms are greased to get remakes made too.  Since nothing else good is being procreated.

Oh Dear, Stupid Hollywood!  I think we need more original comedies.  Let’s see Jenny McCarthy in more movies.  How about Sandra Bernhard with Rosie O’Donnell?  There’s a lot of money out there just burning in the pockets of many gay men and women for a fine big butt, I mean, big budget gay film.

Hollywood’s not listening.  What’s it gonna take?  Even the stage production of Spiderman seems cursed.

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