To Live Without Pretending

I didn’t want to pretend
But, I didn’t want to lie
Lie down and wither away
without someone knowing
The shifty eyes, the mind fatigue
I got and would get from others
made me dress the part of a
successful liar
an Oscar nominated performer
on a stage with those who either
didn’t care or couldn’t care
about their cameo here on Earth
I didn’t want to pretend
so I let my voice be my voice
because I had a choice
The struggle is real
when people need to see the pain
along with the Anger of not being able
Should I hear the sorrow,
it would hurt more
because I don’t want it
I don’t
I don’t need
I want
I want to live freely
I want to love freely
and I don’t want to feel sorry
when I don’t
I want to not need to pretend
when I don’t need to
I don’t want to pretend to want to die
to the pain of living a lie
And, I don’t want to die a lie
when there is proof behind the creaking
of my bones and the restlessness of my soul
Somebody knows
But I don’t to pretend I see what I see
or hear what I hear
At times, I form run-on sentences
so my audiences don’t ask for their money back
They need to see the crazy
I see them all as hallucinations
All, but a chosen few

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