Legend (In Memory of Prince)


I appeared before your eyes
And affected your minds
I became the product
    Of society
You paid millions to see me
      Adored and criticized
            Me
You worshipped me more than Jesus

When I glittered
       I became gold
And was shaped better than
        The cross

You can never forget me
I live forever in your memory

I am a legend

My Dog Died and came back to me in a dream, after dying in another one.

My Dog Died and came back to me in a dream, after dying in another one.

                                                      

Life is so funny. And strange. And complicated.   And sinister.

 

My little Peek-a-Poo died in my arms in 2011. I thought my world was coming to an end.  Just the feeling of the partner I had had for 14 years, the longest of any relationship of mine, had to permanently rest in my savior’s arms.  When I uttered the words, “I Love You, Cassi,” she opened her eyes for the first time after being carried in to the room I was waiting for her in.  Her fur was still as gorgeous as it was when I selected her from the now-weaned pack.  I never cried so much and for so long.

 

I can’t begin to tell of the most horrible thing I heard when I called home to advise them of what happened. Only a person who didn’t know anything about compassion would carelessly deliver their condolences in a way that even God would shutter.  Believe it or not, this person really believed in their message.  A message to crush me.

 

The house I moved into, after relocating there from Georgia, definitely had a spirit that wasn’t very welcoming. One mouse made itself visible.  At least one or two others let their presence be known.  The water wouldn’t drain in the bathtub upstairs.  The power would go out when the power downstairs wouldn’t.  I always felt watched.  I even felt someone or some thing try and force me to turn over in bed.  Had I done this, I truly think I would have to find a new word for terrified.  It was even colder in the back part of the house I occupied.  That part was the bathroom and closet area.  I even noticed that I could neither bring in money or save money.  Sounds silly, doesn’t it?  No matter what I did, nothing seems to hold any permanence.  One summer evening, while Cassi was staying at a friend’s, a young child entered my upstairs abode and lifted my wallet, while I was sleeping in the room right off from the stairs.  According to the police officers who alerted me from the other side of the cut-screened door, it was a suspicious 15 year old boy they found down the hill.  He was stopped and frisked after fleeing the site of the police officers.  Because my address was correct on my driver’s license, it was able to find me.  Had that young person had an aggressive and explosive mind, would I still be here?

 

After that account, there was no need to testify. The kid was sent to a juvenile center.  I was sent into delirium.  Was there a greater force with me than the one I actually felt in that upstairs apartment? The compassion ran rampant. 

 

I often had dreams of Cassi sleeping next to me after her departure. My feet nudged her and I awakened.  She had not yet “crossed-over,” I guess.  Her energy was still there.

 

Nursing Class had been cancelled the day Cassi died.

I went back home and tried to rest after reviewing notes. Cassi looked ill when I picked her up my friend’s place.  He had another dog that Cassi got along with quite well.  However, she looked so frail after that short stay.  At home, she ate what she could.  She drank what she could.  That day, still haunts me.  My baby couldn’t even go to the bathroom properly.  I lay down after I made sure Cassi was secure.  I thought it would be for a short period of time.  There was no tossing and turning.  The next thing I knew, the alarm was going off and I kept trying to rise after turning it off.  But, something wouldn’t let me get up.  My body felt weighed down to the point of being held down through hypnosis.  Then, I broke free.  I called out to Cassi before I hit the door casing.  Horror hit me when I looked to the left to see Cassi panting in her floor-bed and her tongue hanging out of her mouth.  I never knew I could descend stairs without touching them.  She was in my arms when my family member opened the door to ask me what was wrong.  With tears in my eyes, it was suggested that I call 911.  Time was of the essence.  911 would take too long.  Besides, the animal hospital was very close by. 

 

That was the last time I saw my baby alive.

Call 911 followed by the most callous statement ever…by a family member.

 

I moved from that house in the summer of 2012. My health was deteriorating, but I was enthusiastic about my new move right across the street.  Cassi loved to lick my toes.  It’s just something she did when she saw my bare feet.  Why wouldn’t I feel her lick my toes, now, in this new place?  Yet, there was no feeling of her presence or no dreams to remind me of her.  The dreams didn’t start until I began staying over at a friend’s place.  First, Cassi appeared in the road out of nowhere.  I looked away, looked back, and she was gone.  The next dream found me following my beautiful, healthy Cassi up a flight of stairs.  She, of course, made it to the top sooner than I did.  What was strange about that dream was, when Cassi reached the top, she looked back at me, with her tongue out, smiling, as if to be sure I was following her.  As I continued ascending, I noticed a colorful light ahead.  Cassi disappeared.  I never reached the top of the stairs.  

 

In the latest dream, I opened a closed door to find Cassi lying in her bed, panting with swollen eyes, but in the same state I witnessed her in before her real death: 12/15/11.  This time, I closed the door to her room and let my guests know that she was dying.  Why did I do that?  What was the message she was sending me?  What was the lesson that I had to learn?  Who or what was sending me this message?  If I am to think that she was “crossing-over,” I would have to ask if people (she was my child) could keep returning after crossing-over the first time.  Cassi and I were always together.  Now, I am alone and no longer in communication with the first person I met after her leaving.  When I was in a relationship, Cassi was happy and healthy.  What is it that I’m supposed to know?

I died Again


I died Again.

I died again
Last night
And then, Again
Today
Every time I close my eyes
I can’t see
until I open them
Again
And then
I don’t want to
I don’t want to have to
imagine what life would be
could be
without the use of my hands,
Legs, feet, tongue, ears
minus the butterflies inside my head
Minus what they call a brain
I don’t want to be insane
But, I can’t keep my eyes
still

To Say That


I want to say that

Everyone’s a winner

But that wouldn’t be true

At least

The way I want to tell you

And show you

How much truth there is

Would you even care?

I don’t really care

Because I can honestly say

I want to say that

Everyone’s a winner

But that wouldn’t be true

At least

The way I want you to hear it

From the mouths of babes

Virginal to delicate handling

Of something so delicate

But then you’d break something

Again

And again

Until any love left would be numb

To have succumbed

To the fact that

You can have worthless lessons

In life

And that

One experience can cost a life

And a life can cost

Love

And in the end

It is the one who was loved the most

That wins

For to have wanted to love

wins second place

 

I just wanted to say that

(Casket) Ready


Adieus bidded

Pictures painted

Two hours on this stage

Still performing

Until

no makeup is needed

Even answering to Freddy

lets you know you

are funeral ready

At any time

In any place

You are

Because you have made amends

 

How can there be sorrow

when yesterday

they all looked forward to

a better tomorrow

Sometimes they never knew

you were bidding adieu

Then again

Neither did you

 Those fond memories

Oh how

they linger on

 

Dear Petcentric by Purina: Who Owns This Picture?


Dear Petcentric by Purina:

         Just imagine logging into Facebook only to find a perfectly positioned photo of your pet, an apricot and white Peek-A-Poo, that died in the latter part of 2011 nestled underneath someone else’s pet, a very well-groomed Golden Retriever…in a photo that you had entirely no idea how or who took the photo.  Why post it today?  What is  going on in the universe that would possess someone to post this photo on or near the anniversary date of her death?

     All I asked, if you couldn’t take the photo down (mainly because the other pet in the photo belongs to someone else), is that you would connect me somehow to the owner of the photo.  This was and will continue to be quite agonizing to know that whoever took the photo violated me.  Had I been told by whoever took the photo that my little girl’s photo may be posted online, somewhere, somehow…I probably would have given my approval.  Probably.  The photo appears to be taken in a very cold environment that may well house many pets at one time.  I cannot prove this, but I have never subjected my little girl to such an ordeal.

     I received a Twitter response from Petcentric by Purina to call them at an 800 number to discuss my issue.  The young representative named Courtney told me that she would pass on my situation to the necessary department and the usual response would be in about “10 to 14 business days.”  Seriously?  It was probably an automated electronic reply provided to Twitter from Purina.  I even attached a picture of my little girl along with the email I sent to them.  I guess there is no live human being with compassion that operates their “copyright and infringement department.”

     Maybe Purina will effectively handle this situation better in the future.  Even when I advised representative Courtney that I did expect a call from Purina in a more timely manner, I could swear I heard her scoff at me.  How sad it must be to be an employee of Purina.

 

So Sad,
 Pet Owner          

When I come for You


Thy Will Be Done

I will have you

in whatever way

on whatever day I say

I won’t care if you are ready

or if you are sick or poor

And if you are happy and rich,

shame on you

because I won’t need anything that you have

but You

That soul that you have

 only seems to cry out for

something, someone, some thing

Him

when you are in need

of a fix of clarification that you are not

alone

And you are not Alone

And that is why

I will have you

in whatever way

on whatever day I say

And I thank you for your sometimes-nature

That’s why You are so valuable to Me

So

When I Come For You

Don’t Be Afraid

You know why I’m coming

What dust has made


 

English: Windblown hawthorn On top of the heug...
Image via Wikipedia

Windblown windblown

 throw down your breath

and give back the life

that you took in death

 

Windblown windblown

 why do you stand so straight

it’s not nice to compare yourself

 to something you hate

 

Windblown windblown

 you disgusting piece of air

just continue knocking things over

 as if you can’t care

 

Windblown windblown

 what is your color of the day

could it be red in tone

 or just destruction at play

 

 

Having a Relationship with a Cigarette


 

With you

In you

I am yours

I am you

 

Oh, How I love the way

You cough

And my name comes out

 

At times

I can be too much

At times

I am never enough

 

God, How I love the way

You light my fire

For all the world to see

 

How I wish I could

Show the world your heart

From the time you breathe my air

That would make a great start

 

But you

Are not me

You use me

Until I wither away

And lie with the ashes

On the earth

 

I am yours

I am you

 

Oh God, How I love you

There are others in your life,

I’m sure

But each time you touch me

I know that I touch you, deeply

 Heart and soul

 

I want you

When you want me

               Need me

 

 What’s so sad is

I’ll be there for you

Even when you’re gone

 

I am you

I will be you

 

There’ll be others like you

Others like me

 And I’ll touch them

      as you did me

As I wither

So will you

 

 

I want you

When you want me

               need me

 

Oh God,

    How I love the way

 I kill you

 

 

Sanctuary


 

What occupies the pews worships

the builder of each steeple

Chanting melodic though confusing verse

Controlled to serve as a path to the heart

of all creation

Minds brazen by another beholder

proudly embrace each hand and raising

palm after palm upward in grace

as if to bid “Hello” or to keep the entity

from falling down

The kiddy passed gently around weighs of

gold

And the speaker tells of costs associated with

maintaining and sustaining

 the eminence of the holy

Sideways

the statues weep and the stains on the windows

move with the clouds in the background

The message of the day remains the same as

last week

Not in attendance is Joseph whose wife went on

 before he did

Sara who served as Record Keeper and just turned

 93 on the day Joseph tried to deliver her to her

  party

Serving the Cause brought about an effect of life’s

 Irony

Yet their tombstone lies on the outside