Mother, my name is Zipporah


Last of the alphabet

And always last

Pure as a snow-white dove

My name chosen from a book up above

Conceived in lust

Smoke-filled room trust

To know my history

is my future

of a love blistery

covered are my sutures

What impact will I make

worth anything does Heaven sake?

Will I bear sons

who will move tons

Or will I give two girls

With pigtails whose heads will lose curls

Was my name chosen from above

Without meaning

Though lust for love

Before your eye closes

Pray Heaven imposes

It was cute to name me

But it hurts to blame thee

What is it I stand for

that blasphemy could not ignore?

In order to honor the Lord

Damned am I minus a male cord

Two did create me in sin

Now, tell me how I can begin?

 

 

 

I Tried To Be Perfect


You put me here

 for a reason

though it may not have been

the right season

I had no fear

 

I listen to the sound

Of their voices

And what I found

Were many, different choices

 

Some found their own way

Others refused to say

Lives floated like a bay

Awakening to fears and pain every day

 

I did my best

To pass your test

But as my heart and smile reflect

I tried to be perfect

 

Though it was my mind

That kept me kind

More indifference

Would I find

 

But I can’t blame them

For another sad church hymn

Souls don’t change with time

They’re just the blind leading the blind

 

If I ask for rest

After I confess

Will you shed your light

With all your might

 

I did my best

To pass your test

But as my heart and smile reflect

Father, I tried to be perfect

 

Angels are in my Presence


Feather

For the past couple of days, I have been extremely stressed…stressed about school, stressed about my finances, stressed about my activities of daily living.  I am very confident about my spirituality, and though I know Jesus Christ is my personal Lord and savior, I have been drawn to the Buddhist way of life.

I know how to meditate, pray, and send out to the universe what I want.  And yes, I must admit, I have asked for extreme monetary riches instead of just uttering a simple debt removal prayer.  I do tend to go overboard.  But still, it seems that stressing over my faults is what I do best.  I created my current situation.  No one else did.  I did not listen to my inner-self…the one that told me, “No.”  I didn’t listen to my inner-self…the one that asked me, “Do you really need that?”  There are many out there or here who would say that one shouldn’t ask the creator for material riches.  Why not?  Lo, does not the Bible say, “…seek and Ye shall find.  Ask and Ye shall receive?”  I would think that the powers-that-be would want to help, if I was sincere.  I will admit, I have won certain amounts in the lottery, squandered them away, and asked for more.  I looked at it as a blessing.  Then, and now, that I really do need the money, it seems harder to come by.  Yet I know my faith must be strong…as it had been before I those other times.

I recall times before I had found different feathers, single feathers…different colors…in my living space.  I believe they could have been around the time I had won monies from the lotteries I played.  It’s funny because I can’t even remember the severity of the stress I was under at those times.  What a joy it was to have a few bucks in my pocket!  Now, seeming like there could be no end to the chaos in my life, I am still playing the games when I can, knowing that my financial situation is increasingly tiring of my motionless progress.  What is ever so fascinating about these particular last two days is the fact that I have found two white feathers in two strategically placed locations.  One feather I have found at the foot of my bed.  The other, I found when I arose one morning and was startled when I noticed it directly beneath where I was sleeping.  Directly beneath me?  How could this be?  I this a sign from the Divine – something placed in my path to allow me to sleep in peace only to awaken knowing that peace is still with me?  Both feathers were of different sizes.  At the foot of my bed, the feather was a feather but smaller than the one that laid beneath me.  And no, it wasn’t a feather from a down comforter or pillow.  I was not covered with one at the time.

I don’t consider myself special in any way.  Though maybe, just maybe, I have learned to get the attention of those that need to hear my pleas.  Looking back over the past couple days, I do remember having dreams that lead me to consult my dream book.  Messages in dreams?  Again, many people scoff at dreams and even say that they never dream.  Why do I find this impossible?  Doesn’t everybody dream?  Can’t everybody dream?  Maybe not.  Some would even say that it was my subconscious mind telling myself that all would be good.  Whatever the case may be, I have slept in peace the last couple days.  What if my encounters have been so that I could and would bear testimony that angels do exist?  Do I have to actually see them to believe?  My heart most likely wouldn’t be able to bear the glorious sight of an angel.  So, in an effort to not startle me, they just leave behind a little reminder for me – telling me that they are watching over me.  And the greatest thing about them is…they don’t care that I am Buddhist.  They love me anyway.