I know I have to go,
but I Don’t want to go anywhere
Am I ready to?
I Don’t know,
but I’ll get there sometime
I imagine how it’ll be
And I’m cool with that
I am In it
I am in the moment
Until I realize that moment is now
And then, I want to get out
I know I have to go,
but I Don’t want to go anywhere
its outline screams at me
As if with a lowered head,
the sense of sorrow overwhelms me
Why should this being keep company
with a spry teller of make-believe?
A honed talent caused the weeping and
the grinners to seek my blessing
After words, their lives were changed
If only for a moment
But why is truth a necessity
when peace and harmony calls?
It creeps towards me
and my name melts
with whatever mortal sin I committed
it reminds me of a childhood friend
who would smile when I was chastised
for being myself
imagining better, softer times
in a welcoming world of bliss
Who will tell my stories when I can’t?
The price we pay for companionship
often comes with a penalty
For maybe the debt was paid too soon
What makes her do
the things she does
All the voices in her head ring true
Maybe, it’s just because
She’s been living in her own world
Playing make believe and hide and seek
But now that her life has unfurled
it’s hard to get the truth to speak
has taken a fall
Down the ladder’s silver platter
Up against the wall
She has taken her last bow
Someway, she’ll make (last) her last curtain call
She always knew it wouldn’t last
Going so fast with her past
Naming names that caused others more shame
Knowing right from wrong
Lashing out way too long
Handcuffed to the same old song
What caused the riff in her tide
that she couldn’t hide
Was the love of another
A woman even her own husband saw in her mother
What becomes a Man most? The way one thinks, acts, and believes can mostly be found in his upbringing.
For a Black male, history has shown that appearing as tough and as rugged as possible displays the ultimate masculinity. From any and all ‘heterosexual’ conquests, deems a man a real man. This could be the greatest reason for the “Down Low” effect. What aids in this shameful disparity in treatment of other men is the Black man’s athletic prowess, his mediaphonic muscle stature, and lastly his stereotypical sexual endowment. In male professional sports, men display their manhood freely, yet willingly, in the showers and locker rooms. When a man says, “I don’t look at other men,” welcome the most destructive lie.
Take into account the profane 15 minutes of fame ploy by San Francisco 49ers “Cornerback” Chris Culliver. For someone like himself to verbally attack gays by saying, “Gays are not welcome in the NFL,” is really a slap in the face for any man or woman who wants to participate in professional sports. It is not known whether Chris Culliver is a so-called womanizer. Many who are just trying to compensate their own demons by convincing themselves of their own lies. But just what right does this lone soldier have to deny anyone who can clean his cornerback clock on the field solace. Maybe, if he was a “Tight End,” he wouldn’t be so quick to voice his judgment. Speaking-out the way Culliver has only makes it more and more clear that this troubled young man has some closet-cleaning to do. More women find entrusting friendships with men who are comfortable with their sexual nature than they do with the exorbitant testosteroned (or horned up) men in any aspect. The woman who has chosen to deny themselves time spent with a gay male only do so do to peer pressure from their spirit-challenged male partners.
But testosterone is testosterone. While reports show that low-T or low testosterone causes erectile dysfunction, mood swings and other physical or mental ailments, a man is still a man. Could it be that the gay man’s physical male endowment is the reason “straight” men become enraged? Maybe Chris Culliver is afraid that he may accidentally brush up against an out gay man in the shower or even while bending over to lace up his shoes, however way that can happen, and get aroused only to shrivel up in the act. This kind of attention demands detention. In so many families all over the world, gay members exist. So often, family members will express their love outwardly, but under their own roof, only to scream that it is an abomination to the public. What a contrast! What a lie! How un-Christ-like! With such disparity in treatment, one must surrender any and all claims to being Christian. Then again, Tim Tebow has been chastised for his love of Christ on the field. Who will have the last laugh? If Chris Culliver has his way, even those NFL players with cancer will have to either keep their illness to themselves or die on the field without revealing their illness to even their coach. Suffice is to say, gay is not a disease…homophobia is! And to be so adamantly against something or someone who affects you personally in no way, shape, or form, is a disease. Alas, Chris Culliver must have the most satisfying stimulating dreams of any man…especially a God-fearing Black man who is schooled by his Black clergy of what makes a man. How about we equate Chlamydia, syphilis, or gonorrhea to mental illness? They are all curable, with treatment. However, if the illness goes untreated, like the out-pouring of Culliver’s heartfelt emotion against a male who is not infatuated by the same things he is, long-term effects can be disastrous. Yet, some men also feel that a man isn’t a man until he has contracted a heterosexual sexually transmitted disease. Not to say that Culliver has contracted such, but if it is discovered later that he has in fact shared his manly desires with someone against their will, does that not make him a bain on worldly existence? While it should be a consenting ‘choice’ to block one’s seed from spewing into another, there are times when the need to be feel real and free is forced upon another. Culliver obviously must be in agreement with one being on “The Down Low.” His demeaning and unencouragaeble words to other NFL players send the message that as long as he doesn’t know one’s status for sure, it won’t hurt him. Or will it? Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell plays no part in Chris Culliver’s world. Only the Don’t Tell part does. For the love of the game, keep it real by denying who you are. Many athletes live and breathe their sport. It would serve Culliver right to be pitted against an All-Gay football team just to test strength and endurance. Then again, that action would have to be approved by the NFL and the team coaches. Tolerance should be mandatory. Give respect where respect is given. No matter how ignorant your upbringing. And for the Black male, he should not feel in any position to discriminate against another human being. In a way, Culliver’s verbal attack on potential gay players in the NFL is his own way of flamboyancy. Drawing such vile attention to yourself could be Culliver’s belief that it will pump not only his own ego to help his team win the Super Bowl, but garner support by then even openly gay fans of the sport to question themselves. Such ignorance could be bliss.
In Culliver’s world, all men are NOT created equal and definitely not equally. To say to somebody, “Wait until you leave the sport to divulge your sexual appetite,” is comparable to telling someone to lie to save your own life. Would it be nice to wish for someone to level such a player as Culliver on the playing field and them have them say, “Sorry, I hit you so hard, dude. I never would have done that if I was straight?” Or would, “Stop whining like the size of your dick” make more of an impact on someone with Chris Culliver’s disdain for humanity? Either way, Chris Culliver is the master of his own universe: The 15 Minutes of Fame Monster Universe. There’s no doubt there are some big jocks occupying Culliver’s locker room with him. In lieu of him staring them in the face, everyday, maybe somebody should actually throw one in his face.