“You would be so pretty, if You knew what You were talking about.”
Tag: mental
In and Out of Crazy
Indecipherable,
at times
Ready to defend
just like that
Witty
though thought to have
no wits about him
until You call out his name
Can and Will smile
but, at what cost?
Sanity comes and goes
while the insane remains
unstable and indecipherable
In and Out of Crazy
Indecipherable,
at times
Ready to defend
just like that
Witty
though thought to have
no wits about him
until You call out his name
Can and Will smile
but, at what cost?
Sanity comes and goes
while the insane remains
unstable and indecipherable
A Story
Tell me a story
so I can let you live
Live with the memories
of everything we did together
and the benefits of being apart
Tell me a story
because I seem to do all the talking
all the doing
all the coaching and prepping
for you to tell me
something
What if, You were wrong
in the way you thought
I was alive?
Burnt out, spent
Still, I did more to remember you
more
Still is how I felt after
realizing you could have actually
been there
If you are speaking,
push the others aside
so I can follow
There is a light somewhere
but I can only see it
when I close my eyes
Please, tell me a story
Bi-coastal Polar
I know I have to go,
but I Don’t want to go anywhere
Am I ready to?
I Don’t know,
but I’ll get there sometime
I imagine how it’ll be
And I’m cool with that
I am In it
I am in the moment
Until I realize that moment is now
And then, I want to get out
I know I have to go,
but I Don’t want to go anywhere
yet
The Shadow Knows
Though voiceless,
its outline screams at me
As if with a lowered head,
the sense of sorrow overwhelms me
Why should this being keep company
with a spry teller of make-believe?
A honed talent caused the weeping and
the grinners to seek my blessing
After words, their lives were changed
If only for a moment
But why is truth a necessity
when peace and harmony calls?
It creeps towards me
and my name melts
with whatever mortal sin I committed
it reminds me of a childhood friend
who would smile when I was chastised
for being myself
imagining better, softer times
in a welcoming world of bliss
Who will tell my stories when I can’t?
The price we pay for companionship
often comes with a penalty
For maybe the debt was paid too soon
I love you, because you’re an alcoholic (2)
She knew all of them. He knew hers. The knowing of why he got married never behooved mom. For goodness sakes, she had grandchildren. Not the first of grandchildren, but no less, he produced. Just like she did. Who cares if it was the church who pretty much forced her and her husband together. The church felt it would be best that they stayed together, despite what it knew. Maybe, it was their idea of ‘conversion therapy.’ Little did he know, that nickname her son acquired in college, Lou, which stood for “Loser,” would come back to haunt him. Many, many times.
As the drinking got heavier and heavier, the dementia and anger grew more fiercely. His mom would throw physical tantrums at her best friend. Never once did she assault her husband. The police were called to carry her away each time. Still, her was constantly reminded of his failed attempts at life, at living. But, as her determined hate professed, so did her son’s. When she hit, he hit back. Once it was all over, no one remembered a thing. Except for the apparent bruises and scratches and scrapes. This obviously made him an even bigger loser. Yet, through it all, her detached god-fearing husband could be found barricaded in his room all nestled on the tiny sleeper sofa that fit kindly into the short bedroom he called his own. Mom finally broke the camel’s back when she was caught driving under the influence after leaving her younger daughter’s home. Guess who came to her rescue?
It wasn’t too long after her release, the authorities were called to their home again. This time, it would be her last stay at the home she let the tormented spirits fester. Walking into the front door, one might ask why the walls were so dark and that there were no window coverings. I knew. Along with all the crosses on the tables and walls, the Jesus pictures hung so strategically, cut-outs of biblical sayings posted about on refrigerator and bedroom doors…there was trouble there that had no plans of fleeing anytime soon. Even after she left, the dad still slept with his light on.
There were those times when my partner would attempt his own hand at withdrawal. One particular event had his younger sister witness him having a seizure in the aisle of a Hobby Lobby. It would be her only time doing this. Her own bouts of repression and drinking would make her more numb to the fact that, all awhile she was left with Sybil, her brother and eldest sister abandoned her and the youngest brother for college. Was her about to leave again, under different circumstances? She wanted to be a part of his life without the future hands-on experience. All the while, little sis knew that mom and dad were enabling her brother’s non-sobriety.
Her sought help at every turn. Sadly, when he felt the need to return to the emergency room, his family members were too busy to go in and sit with him. They would just pull up to the front door and tell him to call them when he was ready to come home. Where was the love? He recalled the time that was most traumatic to him when he was escorted to a mental ward. He didn’t know why he was there. He wanted help because of his drinking issue. That was all. Somehow, he talked his way free and walked the seven miles back home in the dead of winter. Putting his life in further jeopardy, he accepted a ride from a group of college kids who felt he garnered a lift. Everything’s a blur, after that. They all wanted to know how he made it back to the house…without calling either of them.
Like Somebody Other Than Myself
Six pills left
Until I see him next
I wish I didn’t have to
I hope I get lost this time
Standing there
Before the crowd
It’s just me
But there’s somebody else
they wish to see
Will I say the right thing
Will I talk like I can sing
Will my hands and legs move and grove
So they can’t tell I can soothe
But I can’t do anymore
Than my body is alive for
I can’t be anything or anybody else
Like somebody other than myself
Playing this game
Just a symptom before a name
How do I let my real feelings show
Keep ‘em guessing or throw a blow
Seeking my end result
Though speaking to the leader of a cult
No generic for me
Need a taste of false reality
And when I go to cash them in
Shopping spree I’m ready to spend
A mental life lets it begin
Soon the bank will be my best friend
Your Husband Doesn’t Have To Know
Holding hands
And walking through the park
Each other’s greatest fan
See the back door after dark
A careful ring
With a special tone
Oh, how you make my heart sing
Why must either one of us be alone
I know he got you
But he doesn’t make your love flow
Believe me when I say this much is true
Your husband doesn’t have to know
The way you slip in and out
Of the things you bought with his card
Make me love what this is all about
Can it get any more hard
Break my back
Make me lose my mind
Never treat you like some halftime snack
The deeper I go, I never know what I’ll find
Keep it tight, and keep it right
I can taste the flavor in the air
Don’t let your head put up a fight
I’ll cherish our time with tender loving care
I love to love you, baby
How else can I let my feelings show
I’ll keep it on the sneak tip, if you want me to
And darling, your husband doesn’t have to know
And if you have any doubt
Go ahead and tell him I’m just a friend
He’s the one with all the clout
But we know how this tale will end
Open for Pain
Greasy your hands
Impatient are your glands
Potions corruptedly mixed
Smoldering shooting star nixed
Forgiveness nowhere in sight
Forbidden pleasures torturous fight
With x-ray vision
Only glancing no longer the mission
With every bend
Oblivious to how you offend
Take care and yet beware
Of every silent hyena’s stare
Sugar is gold becoming honey
Sap spread and the shot is money
Underneath your clothes
Bears an unopened rose
The bees will not sting
Until the joy you bring
And like a happy bird
You sing the way they all once heard
What a blow to the ego
When you are a no-show
But with each attempt
More coins are pimped
But when you pimp the limp
Who then becomes the wimp?
The Queen who rules the 24 hours
Even headless you have the powers
And though you give face
This is but a taste
Of the pleasures
And treasures
That satisfy the measures
Upon salacious pressures
Where are they
When you want to play
Or have one stay
Until the end of May
Cause that’s when all springs
Turn to hay
And the day
Will come
When the mighty sum
Gives you the thumb
Chasing you from the beat
And off the heat
Before you are covered with the sheet
That turns the biggest trick
Of no longer keeping you sick
Cause that’s when all springs
Turn to hay
Blessing you with all pain brings
Every time your smarts you lay
Awakening
Forsaking
Shaking while
Making it just for the taking
Take care and beware
Of every Greek hyenas lair
Before you chase your hair
Away from all that is fair
Cause that’s when all springs
Turn to hay
Beating at your door with pain it brings
Will your voice pray
Before or after the dues they pay?
Is not a Muppet
A puppet?
No matter how you tuck it
Someone’s hand has to stuff it
Unclean hands
Spoil the glands
Enraging fans
In the stands
Be it woman or man
So can you take a stand
And be diamond grand?
Cut, color, carat
How long can you grin and bare it?