The Turnaround

How do I say, “No”
before I break my own heart?
Do I have to go along
with it all until You tell me,
“It’s not working”?
Or must I lose my fire
because all the matches I had
are now immersed under water?
Would I have relearn how to cry?
Maybe I would stutter
How can I mess up a simple word
that could either strengthen me
or the one thing that could cause me
to crumble before all those who I knew
were laughing at me in my face
while shaking their pathetic heads?
I want to be better
I should be better
I can be better
than what I have here now
There is a world outside of this shell
that wants to know me well
to see me well
to see me do well
and grow along with Me
So, I have to say, “No,”
before I am no longer able to
I gave you a piece of Me
and you can keep it
But I will feed it and make it grow back
fuller, stronger, and more productive
All by myself
until I am able to say, “Yes,”
again without hesitation
without doubt
without grief
without pain
without a You who wants nothing
out of life
I want to feel my heart beating
everywhere like a walking orgasm
because I want
because I desire
to share
and not just give
to someone unwilling to learn
how to love back
I have to be selfish
Now, when I face you,
that “No,” means that I have turned
Myself “On”
On I am
On I will be
Alive, valuable, worthy, and somebody

Silent Bombs

Sleep through it all
Awaken to the aftermath
Don’t speak when You hear fear
Talk over the chaos
Turn away from the truths
Make up your own lies 
Carry a black Bible
Recite scriptures from memory
Send tots to school
Force them to believe You

Vote the way others do
Don’t bother knowing why
What a beautiful family tree
The difference between a snake and a bumble bee   
Own a TV
Tune out reality
Claim to give selflessly
Close doors to needy and not greedy
You know what fails
Instead You keep it pale  


It’s so damn sad
when You’re in the middle
Seems everybody’s got their motives
Walking poker faces of votives
Dare You continue to play
The nerve of You walking away
It’s so damn sad
when it’s all about a look
Impassioned still gawkers
seem hooked
as to why their
interview wasn’t booked
Those concoctions
they set to keep You just
where You nailed their perception
of reception
And they thought You
were making the first impression
Bid them adieu
before making a confession

TOPS Friendly Market and their ‘Nana Pudding is as good as Blue Bell


Remember the story, “How Blue Bell turned me into a ‘Nana Pudding Junkie?” We’ll, I just found its rival, TOPS’ Banana Pudding ice cream..

If Blue Bell had their own store, it would mean so much. Since visiting in Upstate New York, I searched high and low for the World’s Best Ice Cream. Apparently, from what I was told, Blue Belk had no immediate plans to expand their product to the northeastern states. Even the grocery chain, Publix, couldn’t be found north. Publix had its own ice cream. So, why can’t Blue Bell? Once a Junkie, always a Junkie.

I’m not just an ice cream junkie, I’m a ‘Nana Pudding junkie. Yeah, I do love ‘Snickers’ ice cream and the occasional French Vanilla ice cream. But Banana Pudding ice cream forces you to either Live it or Hate it.

One night, I walked into TOPS Friendly Market in a hunt for a new guilty pleasure. I had tried and appreciated “Friendly’s” ice cream. Even “Breyer’s” was pretty good. But TOPS was having a sale on its own product. After locating the section, I almost fainted.

There it was! Banana Pudding ice cream, TOPS Premium Banana Pudding ice cream. On Sale! I told myself it couldn’t be that bad…at least it was ‘Premium!’ Then again, if it turned out to taste anything like what I paid for it, I didn’t lose too much.

Once a junkie, Always a Junkie. I was in rehab for four years before I fell off the wagon. TOPS’ Banana Pudding ice cream has turned me out. Strong? I am, but I’m not. I thought I was. All those combined sweetnesses from one carton onto one tablespoon will always be my kryptonite. My self-control depends on supply. At this point, I can demand that the product stay well- stocked. Otherwise, my supplier can turn me on to another.

As long as I can’t find any Banana Pudding ice cream, it can’t find me. But, for now, TOPS is the place I could let change my face.

Countdown to Hell

Ring it

There goes the bell

Stand there or sit

It’s the countdown to Hell


Go kiss his hand

Place the chip on your lips

What glow isn’t so grand

His power can sink ships


You share Your blood

Day in Day out

Dare they call You a stud

Beneath the crud, You shout


Every turned page

Makes You shake more

Hung up in rage

You are the candy store


Go on ahead

Ring the bell

Make like savior, play dead

Because it’s the countdown to Hell

Kathy Ball

What makes her do
the things she does
All the voices in her head ring true
Maybe, it’s just because

She’s been living in her own world
Playing make believe and hide and seek
But now that her life has unfurled
it’s hard to get the truth to speak

Kathy Ball
has taken a fall
Down the ladder’s silver platter
Up against the wall
She has taken her last bow
Someway, she’ll make (last) her last curtain call

She always knew it wouldn’t last
Going so fast with her past
Playing games
Naming names that caused others more shame
Knowing right from wrong
Acting strong
Lashing out way too long
Handcuffed to the same old song

What caused the riff in her tide
that she couldn’t hide
Was the love of another
A woman even her own husband saw in her mother

100 Metropolitan Parkway

I saw him wait

and say,

“Is he worth it?”

3 o’clock is

witching hour

What a time for

an interview

He watched

as the devil he is

And he got out

of his leased ride

and hid his face

from me

That’s when I knew

how the interview would


How metropolitan

the melting pot

that would welcome

all that is light and tight

with a dark love





How handsome is

as handsome does

to represent

the parking lot

as well as the

company’s name

Sealed with a shake

may the hand fail to break

dispelling myths

teetering on the cliffs

What a good sign

that your car was in line

When even though

he needs your mind

following directions

to perfections

You don’t take the same door

Could there be more?

Maybe the interview

goes long past four

and you exit through the back door

with a pay on the back

and papers in a stack

This Christmastime

My gift from you

This Christmastime

I pray it comes to past

So I promise to cherish this moment

As if it were our last


Children singing

Bells a ringing

Everywhere just for us

And when you smile

That great smile

With my hand you have my trust


This Christmastime


As God is my witness

With tender, sweet kisses

May we forever be as one

Love for always

In our hearts I hope it stays

Don’t let this feeling come undone


I will get down on one knee

Everyday, with a vow to thee

That I will do you no harm

You are the only gift

That gives me that special lift

When you walk and hold my arm


Especially, this Christmastime

Fool, Stupid Fool

Fool, Stupid Fool

Where did you go?

Did your mama tell you

Which way to go?


Why didn’t you just do

It all without a clue

They didn’t want

 a smarty pants

or somebody

 to put them

in a trance


Fool, Stupid Fool

Foo Foo, Stupid

Fool, Fool


Why can’t you bite your tongue

before the fat lady has sung

Must you be right

Right before a big fight


Give in sometime

Let the blind lead the blind

Fool, Stupid Fool

Play by the rule

Take them to school


Take a moment

Play with your hair

Fine time for atonement

Give a blank stare


Get what you need

Hold the ace card

New way for greed

Leave ‘em nice Leave ‘em hard


Don’t let ‘em call you a

Fool, Stupid Fool


Life isn’t always what YOU make it



Every day, I try to re-energize myself.  After reading terrible reviews or seeing horrible television commercials about how one man let down the entire economy by not fulfilling the promises he made – I wish that I could do more to help get the message across that he should have drilled home time and time again:  “REAL CHANGE and SUFFICIENT CHANGE ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN OVERNIGHT!”  Yet, we see what we want to see.  We hear what we want to hear.  We saw History in the making.  We saw CHANGE.  We heard someone wanting to make a difference.  We didn’t hear that we were in more trouble than one man could save us from.  The old American dream was life is what you make it and fades into the ‘America is the land of opportunity’ makes all of us who fear writing a check, for fear that our unemployment check won’t come through by the time the check hits the bank, or fear embarrassment of trying to use our credit card in the grocery store because the bank that we have used for more than twelve years chose to reduce our credit card limit because of our new spending habit, or fear hearing a knock at the door before looking out the window and seeing the Sheriff’s car parked out front of the house you know has been in foreclosure for more than ten months, inadequate.  You are the time-bomb that the politicians that you knew were all wrong for your well-being, but voted for anyway, are banking on failing.  Why shouldn’t they bet against you? – You showed your support for their foe.  But, you continue day after day complaining, griping about everything that you really have complete control over…a single vote that you know you should make and fully support.  Most often, we have friends who have the same culture as we do – the way they think, act, and believe become the main reason we allow them to take up residence in our minds and hearts.  Then suddenly, we hear or feel something that doesn’t sit right with our ego, something that really questions our beliefs and we do absolutely nothing.  And as we continue to do absolutely nothing, matters get worse while issues take the back-burner.  What we have done is we settled on an aesthetic instead of the truth.  We jump ship because the appealing can’t be wrong, that being with the in-crowd will make us better too.  And again, our shame won’t let us admit that we messed up.  We try to make a life for ourselves, but life reminds us that it’s not all about us.  And, if life isn’t all about us, how can it possibly be what we make it?  There are powers-that-be that we put up on a pedestal who fail to hold up their end of the bargain.  However, deep down inside we wish we had gone for the universal message that could have resulted in universal appeal.  The person didn’t change, just our mindset did.   Isn’t this what people like Deepak Chopra, Dr. Wayne Dyer, and Iyanla Vanzant tell all of us who listen every day that we should do?  This made me wonder why these motivational speakers never enter the White House.  Is it that they are banned from doing their ‘good work’ on unholy ground?  Will we ever become one of those powers-that-be?  Do we think we still won’t be under the same scrutiny once we rise from the ashes?  The only way I see us really being relevant to the cause of universal love and fulfillment is that we have to form one solid union that will remain impenetrable to anything unethical, discrimination, and segregation.  We’ve tried to build a life for ourselves and those who depend on us – only to be told our leader failed us.  Well, how can anyone fail us if he or she doesn’t have the ‘adequate’ support they need to lead us?  Again, rhetoric at our most vulnerable point makes us easy prey.  But as the prey is prayed upon, they pray for a better day, a better way, a better say, a better tray to present their list of demands on.  Life isn’t always what you make it…especially if you keep giving your cards to somebody who doesn’t really have your best interest at heart.  If only there was a way to energize everybody…